Why the Old You Isn't the Goal
Embrace Your Evolved Self and Feel Empowered
Longing for the past
When you've faced challenges like dependency on medication, emotional struggles, or physical illness, it's natural to long for your "old self." That version of you feels like a time when things were simpler when life felt less heavy. I understand this deeply because I've been there myself.
After I started my healing journey, I grieved the loss of the "strong but blind" person I used to be. I wanted her back—until I realized she was the very version of me that got me into trouble in the first place.
I hear my clients long for the past all the time. But as they learn new coping skills and embrace their transformation, they discover they've become stronger, wiser, and far more capable than their old selves ever were.
Let's explore why returning to your old self isn't a wise goal and how moving forward can help you create a life of true freedom and strength.
- The Illusion of the "Old Self"
The idea of your "old self" can feel comforting, like a safe harbor in a storm. But here's the truth: that version of you wasn't perfect. It may have been strong in some ways, but it also had blind spots, unhealthy patterns, and a lack of the wisdom you've gained through your challenges.
When I was "strong but blind," I ignored my emotional needs, pushed through stress, and didn't listen to my body. Practically, it looked like this: I stayed in an unhappy marriage, which made it difficult to maintain friendships. I carried constant guilt toward my children and spent many nights crying alone. I overworked myself in a job I loved, desperately seeking approval from my boss to compensate for the lack of appreciation in my personal life. My home never felt like a haven because I lacked the peace and energy to make it one. I didn't even dare to acknowledge these struggles for a long time.
But all this denial came at a cost—burnout, anxiety, and eventually depression. My unawareness led to medication, which only deepened my disconnection from myself. The same might be true for you—your old self, while familiar, wasn't equipped to handle the challenges you've faced.
- Growth Comes Through Transformation
Difficult experiences—emotional, physical, or both—are potent catalysts for growth. They force you to look at life differently, develop resilience, and uncover strengths you didn't know you had. This transformation doesn't take away from who you are; it adds depth and richness to your being.
For example:
When I finally acknowledged how ignoring my emotional needs and pushing through stress had shaped my life, I began to change. I learned to create boundaries, prioritize self-care, and reconnect with my body and heart. I realized that the "strong but blind" version of me, while admirable in its perseverance, wasn't sustainable or healthy. As I embraced these new skills, I discovered a more profound strength and clarity that didn't rely on ignoring my pain but I acknowledged it as part of my growth.
So, let's reframe the goal:
Instead of aiming to "return" to the old self, focus on becoming a more powerful, wiser, and more sovereign version of yourself. This transition means integrating your past experiences and using them as stepping stones toward growth.
- The "Old Self" Wasn't Prepared for Your New Life
The person you used to be didn't have the tools or coping mechanisms you've developed through your journey.
Trying to "go back" would be like wearing shoes you've outgrown—uncomfortable and restrictive. Your new life requires new strengths, and your evolved self is better equipped to navigate it.
Many of my clients start their journey wanting to reclaim their old selves. But as they learn new skills, like self-compassion, emotional regulation, and listening to their bodies, they realize their old ways wouldn't serve them in their new reality. They find that the struggles they once resisted have become the foundation for a more authentic and empowered life.
- Growth Requires Learning New Skills
Choosing to move forward means committing to personal growth. This growth involves learning, developing, and adopting new skills that support your health, well-being, and resilience. After all, if you want different results, you need to approach life differently.
Healing Tools:
The methods I use with my clients, such as EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques, IEMT, and the MAP (Make Anything Possible) Method, are incredibly effective in healing hurting parts and unhelpful beliefs hidden in the subconscious mind. These approaches empower you to release old patterns and become more balanced and authentic.
The Sovereign Life Project:
Through the Sovereign Life Project, I offer abundant sessions and resources to help you navigate this transformation. Together, we strengthen your inner foundation so you can face life's challenges confidently and clearly.
- Body, Mind, and Soul Are One
Your physical, emotional, and mental health are deeply interconnected. If one is out of balance, it will bring dis-ease. The struggles that bring you to the point of transformation stem from imbalances in this connection. The good news? Healing one aspect of yourself supports the other elements at the same time.
Some examples
Breathing and Dis-ease:
Dr. Konstantin Buteyko believed that over-breathing or chronic hyperventilation disrupts the balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide in the body and contributes to asthma, COPD, bronchitis, hypertension, angina, migraines, seizures, diabetes, thyroid dysfunction, IBS, sleep apnea, insomnia, panic attacks, anxiety, allergies, autoimmune diseases, eczema, psoriasis, and chronic fatigue.
Practicing techniques that promote calm and efficient breathing can restore your body and mind balance.
Emotional Stress and Dis-ease:
Similarly, unresolved emotional stress can lead to physical ailments. Studies in psychoneuroimmunology, like those from Dr. Gabor Maté, highlight how suppressed emotions and chronic stress contribute to illnesses such as autoimmune disorders and heart disease. Addressing these emotional wounds is essential for holistic healing.
- Honor Who You Were, but Don't Cling to It
The old you deserves compassion and gratitude for getting you this far. But holding onto this version of yourself can create resistance to growth. Letting go doesn't mean forgetting; it means making space for the new.
Exercises you can find in the program:
Letter to Your Old Self: Write a letter to your old self. Thank them for their strength, resilience, and the lessons they taught you. Then, gently release them with love.
Letter to Your Future Self: Write three letters from the future to thank yourself where you are now—1 year from now, 6 months from now, and 3 months from now. Write them from the perspective of being in that future and experiencing a wonderful new life. One that is positive and filled with good things.
Let this exercise inspire gratitude and confidence in your journey.
- Create a Vision for Your Evolved Self
Instead of looking back, ask yourself: Who do I want to become now? This question invites you to consciously design a life that aligns with your values, strengths, and passions. Allow yourself to focus on who you truly want to be as if there are no limitations—because there are almost none.
Take a moment to visualize your evolved self. How do you show up in the world? What qualities do you embody? How do you feel? Let this vision inspire your choices moving forward.
Embrace Your Sovereign Self
Life isn't about going back; it's about moving forward. Your struggles, though painful, have gifted you with wisdom, resilience, and strength. By releasing the goal of returning to your old self, you create space to step into a more aligned, empowered, and free life.
Remember, the most powerful version of you is still unfolding. Embrace the journey, and trust that you're becoming more evolved than you've been.
Are you ready to step into your most empowered self? Join the Sovereign Life Project, where we explore how to navigate transformation, reclaim your authenticity, and create a life of true freedom.
